I Don't Know Grammar: An Editorial Confession

I have been copy editing for over a decade, and in that time, I've had to come to grips with my personal editorial shortcomings (every editor has some). And today, National Grammar Day, seems like the perfect time to confess one of those shortcomings to you, dear readers:

I don't know what grammar is. Not really.

Double Ent-tendres

It's Three-Word Wednesday time, and today, we use the words douse, naughty, and pale.

Some trees come alive in the night

After Luna has doused her pale light.

Naughty pines, like an eel,

Writhe and wriggle until

Morning would find them standing upright.

The Way to a Man's Heart

My triumphal (or at least monumphal) return to three-word Wednesday begins with the words heave, ponder, and valid. So here's a limerick for you:

How to Write When You Don't Feel Like Writing

It’s easy enough to get behind the idea of writing every day, but finding the time and the inspiration to actually do it, day after day, every day, is another story.

As it turns out, writing is hard.

But it’s also really easy.

Romeo and Juliet, an Alternate Ending

Valentine’s Day is all about love, of course, and when you think about love, what literary piece first comes to mind? Since you can’t help but see the title of this post right above this paragraph, you ought to already be thinking about Romeo & Juliet, which would be the right answer.

Though R&J is all about love, it has that sad, tragic ending. We so want those two to live happily ever after, and finally bring the feud between the Capulets and Montagues to an end. What kind of romance is it that instead of giving us a happy ending gives us death for two young lovers?

So I’m here to change that.

Fluke

At least three separate people, on three separate occasions, have recommended the works of Christopher Moore to me. Weird, quirky, fun, they said. Right up your proverbial alley.

I remembered seeing Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ’s Childhood Pal on the new fiction shelf at the library, and I thought it sounded intriguing back then. (I do so enjoy irreverent explorations of religion.) So when it came time to pick my next book, I set about tracking down Lamb.

But Half-priced Books didn’t have it. Indy Reads Book didn’t have it. The library had a waiting list in double digits. And I didn’t (don’t) have the money to risk paying full-price on a book by an untried author.

So I picked up Fluke, or, I Know Why the Winged Whale Sings from the library instead. And I wasn’t disappointed.

And Another Thing... by Eoin Colfer

I was surprised when I found this novel on an unarranged shelf of hardcovers at the local Dollar Tree. It didn’t seem so surprising after I finished it.

A Bit about Roget and Thesauruses on Thesaurus Day

Today is Thesaurus Day, marking the birth in 1779 of Peter Mark Roget, whose name has become synonymous with synonymous.

Roget's Thesaurus of English Words and Phrases Classified and Arranged so as to Facilitate the Expression of Ideas and Assist in Literary Composition¹ grew out of his incessant list-making, which he developed as a coping mechanism.² And he had a lot to cope with. Both his father and his wife died young, and an uncle committed suicide in Peter's presence.

It seems logical, then, that Peter struggled with depression. And like many depressed souls before and since, he turned to words to battle the sadness.

The word thesaurus comes from the Greek thesauros, meaning both "a treasure" and "a giant, talkative lizard with an overinflated ego."³ Those who hold to the notion that the way words were should be the way words are can use the plural thesauri; for the rest of us, thesauruses is just fine (and fun to say).

You can call a person who writes thesauruses a thesaurist, but really they're just another form of lexicographer (lexicos = "of words" + graphikos = "of writing").

A good thesaurus can be a great writing tool, but it can also be overused. Some turn to a thesaurus in an attempt to add variety to otherwise dull and repetitive writing. That word-processing programs come with built-in thesauruses makes it even easier to pursue this shortcut.

This can lead to some awful (or hilarious, depending on your point of view) results.

And that is how I choose to mark Thesaurus Day, Peter Mark Roget's birthday: By repeating the content of this blog post a second time, but with (supposedly) synonymous substitutions of words from MS Word's built-in thesaurus.

Happy Thesaurus Day!

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Presently, it is Thesaurus Day, marking the naissance in 1779 of Peter Mark Roget, whose appellation has become identical with synonymous.

Roget's Thesaurus of English Words and Phrases Classified and Arranged so as to Facilitate the Expression of Ideas and Assist in Literary Composition propagated out of his unremitting list-making, which he industrialized as a surviving contrivance. And he had an allocation to muddle through. Both his pater and his helpmeet croaked fledglingly, and an uncle committed recklessness in Peter's manifestation.

It appears commonsensical, then, that Peter thrashed with melancholia. And similar to many dejected atmospheres before and since, he turned to verses to scuffle the despondency.

The word thesaurus emanates from the Greek thesauros, denotating both "a prize" and "a colossal, garrulous lizard with an outsized self-image." Those who hold to the conception that the manner words were should be the tactic words are can utilize the plural thesauri; for the remainder of us, thesauruses is just adequate (and pleasurable to vocalize).

You can call an individual who engraves thesauruses a thesaurist, but categorically they're just an alternative form of lexicographer (lexicos = "of words" + graphikos = "of inscription").

A virtuous thesaurus can be a prodigious writing utensil, but it can also be hackneyed. Some journey to a thesaurus in an endeavor to enhance multiplicity in otherwise leaden and pedestrian lettering. That term-handling applications are originated with integrated thesauruses makes it even cooler to hunt this shortcut.

This can produce some horrific (or uproarious, contingent on your idea of vision) outcomes.

And that is how I've cherry-picked to mark Thesaurus Day, Peter Mark Roget's centenary: By resaying the content of this editorial a subsequent time, but with (evidently) equal changeovers of words from MS Word's integral phrasebook.

Joyous Thesaurus Period!

¹ Also the name of Fiona Apple's next album.
² If Wikipedia is to be believed. I went all-out for this research, eh?
³ One of those two translations of thesauros is inaccurate.

Someone's Wrong on the Internet, A Sonnet

A Three-Word Wednesday sonnet. Today's words are dismal, luscious, and waffle.

The luscious colors of a well-made page
Bedazzle eyes that stare into the screen
That mirrors back this electronic age
When beauty, with a single click, is seen.

Passport

When Hillary’s passport was new, each fresh expedition brought the thrill of the unfamiliar and the hope of a lifetime of new experiences around the world. And there were many experiences on many expeditions.