A Melville-ous Pair (A Mark Flyleaf Story)

Mark and his new client sat on opposite sides of the desk. Mark scanned the man’s application.

“Well, what can we do for you Mister... I’m sorry. I can’t make out your handwriting on the application.”

“Call me Ishmael.”

The Bureau of Fictional Character Placement

What follows is the first of six (currently) Mark Flyleaf stories. I'll be publishing a new one here each Monday morning through Christmas Eve. I hope you enjoy them.

The Bureau of Fictional Character Placement

"Good afternoon Mister . . . " Mark glanced at the form on his desk " . . . Burton. Please, have a seat." Mark gestured to the chair opposite his desk and then sat down himself.

"Please, call me Jim."

I Have Returned, Probably

It was no surprise to me that I hadn't blogged on here in quite a while. It was a small surprise at how long it has actually been. I haven't posted anything on here since January! That's just wrong.

What follows are a few updates and a bit of what you can expect in the future (more posts, I hope!). The tl;dr version is this:

• My ebook is now free. 
• I've been posting about language elsewhere on the internet (and will continue to do so), though I won't be posting much longer at Copyediting.com. 
• I'll be posting a series of connected short stories here soon, for your reading pleasure.
• I hope to be posting here more in the future, as long as I both find the time to write and have something interesting to share.

Here's the fuller version:

Great Works of Copy Editing Literature

Behind every great work of literature is a great copy editor. But what if editors weren't behind it, but out in front?

Last Friday on Twitter, Benjamin Dreyer and Jonathon Owen got some of us started rethinking what some of the great works of literature might be like if the novels were written about copy editors. I came to the conclusion that literature can only be improved if more novels were written about those of us in the word business.

Here are the 17 best first lines of novels written about copy editors:

VIDEO: Thoughts on SEO for Writers

Search engine optimization (SEO) has changed a lot over the last two decades. Thankfully, the games people used to play to try to push their web content to the top of Google search results are largely a thing of the past. Site optimization is important, but that's behind-the-scenes coding that online content writers don't need to worry about.

There isn't a lot that writers need to know about on-page SEO, and a lot of what they need to understand is just common sense:

VIDEO: The Future of Print Magazines

This is the second video interview with the Author Learning Center. In it, I talk about the problems of print magazines, especially general-interest magazines, and how The Saturday Evening Post is evolving to survive in whatever comes next.

VIDEO: The Importance of Proofreading and Copy Editing

Back in March, the Author Learning Center (website) interviewed me for their ongoing  videos series. Most of their videos are behind a paywall, but they've released three of them to me for promotional purposes.

So, here I am promoting them.

In this one, I talk about what copy editing and proofreading are and why they are important.

Unfortunately, the frame frozen at the beginning makes it look like I'm in the middle of a rendition of "I Am the Very Model of a Modern Major General." But I promise that there is no singing in this video.

Enjoy!

 

Limerick Lunacy

So, long story short, I was knee deep in the history and construction of limericks, and I conjured these silly things:

There once was a man from Peru,
Who wrote limericks up to line two.

Stupid, right? But I didn't stop there.

There once was a lass from "Paree"
Whose limericks went to line three.
They started off well.

And I had to finish:

A man you all know (Albert Gore)
Wrote limericks up to line four,
And then he'd hit Send
And the things would just end.

Limericks are fun and funny things, but messing with the form can be even funner.

World Poetry Day 2017

A poem of the spring is what
   I've set my self to write —
Of gentle breezes, greening buds,
   And herons taking flight.

Happy spring, everybody!

But out my window, all I see
   Is cars and lots and rust,
And hear the wailing ambulance,
   And smell the drifting dust.

Writing poetry that's great
   Takes something I ain't got.
Sure, I've got the words, the rhymes,
   But inspiration? Not.

For this sad sot, his "poems" are
   Like home plumbing, I guess:
I can tinker with the pipes
   But I only make a mess.

So happy spring to those of you
   Whose minds are blue and clear,
And have a great World Poetry Day
   If I haven't ruined it here.

Fun with Page Numbers in Microsoft Word

Are you tired of boring old page numbers in your Word document's header or footer? Do you feel like your doctoral dissertation is missing that certain je ne sais quoi to make your advisors smile? Are you looking for a way to distract readers from the mediocre writing in the novel you've spent the last eight years writing?

I can help.