'Twas a Sight Before Christmasor, She Came Upon a Midnight Clear
I bought a festive DVD,
A marked-down Christmas flick
Whose cover was a rumpled mess,
Its face a faded pic.
I took it home and put it on
And stared into the screen.
The story that the movie told
I ne'er before had seen:
|From The Chive|
Alone on Christmas Eve.
There came a rapping at the door —
What's next you won't believe!
One by one, they filed in:
Eight tiny little elves
Dressed up as half-nude reindeer men
And playing with themselves.
She worked her Christmas magic then,
She held them each in thrall —
On Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, yes,
The vixen rode them all.
Then in walked Santa Claus himself
Beneath his beard, a grin.
He gave a hearty "ho ho ho!"
And then he joined right in!
It was a Christmas miracle
Those naughty elves weren't fired,
And by the time the movie stopped
My arm was sorely tired.
Now I'm too old for fairy tales,
I don't buy all the buzz.
I know that Santa doesn't come —
But Mrs. Claus sure does!